a winter's drive in may

I drive alone in the dark
With the satellites all turned off
Weary treads lie coiled on my shoulders
Stubborn refuse stranded
And the soft whispered swish of tires
Echoes the crush of this empty weight in my chest

Twenty-three hours and counting
I am later than I have ever been
And I imagine you
Clicking at the counter
How is it that you like your Gin

I’ve fallen through more cracks than you’d remember
I can’t recall every window where I’ve stood and listened in
But I keep retracing all the moments that lead to your doorstep
Do you ever regret not inviting me in

Each unbottled bubble
Hisses a satisfied pop
To tinkling teeth like icecubes
As it sizzles to the top
A fraction of a second’s pleasures
Before you quench your thirst in measures
You measure in inches
You measure in miles
But the distance between us
Could be folded closed with a smile

How much litter lines this road
I travelled to get from there to here
"Not worth it" so you say
The things I could lose along the way
But I can do without socks and cap
As long as I keep my soul intact

But the toll is multiplying
The longer I keep driving

Slower than a speeding bullet
I will eventually understand
But for now
I whip my tangerine dream
Through the drizzle and haze
I keep an 18” low profile
And avoid the pitfalls and potholes
More gracefully than the assholes
Because I know a bad penny will keep turning up
Heads up
Chin up
Look up

It is always December

I wish upon my bleeding heart
Before I cross the line one more time

amaranthine imbalance (an exile)

Yesterday my horoscope read:

Scorpio Horoscope for February 22, 2010

Uncertainty and shifting grounds can mark the day's outcomes, and confidence may retreat in the face of a challenge. Confrontation is the wrong game to play, but pulling out entirely is equally unsuitable. Take judicious compromise now and the resulting situation will improve, but don't chase diminishing returns.

And it couldn't have been more accurate... Oh the shifting surfaces! It is a dance that is difficult to master

---
chasing a diminishing return,
chasing my own stinging tail,
digging a rut in the garden of eden
all to no avail.
I know I'll just keep spinning,
pretending I will prevail,
because the future is uncertain
even as it's happening once again;
and the delusion of asserted will is a comfort
as I dance fight the choreographed end.
and the fruit from the tree is now dropping
on the trembling, shifting sand
while my kisses, more than retreating footsteps,
cause earthquakes where they land.
the forbidden tastes I gather
as I move in vertical lines
are very hard to swallow,
and I am running out of time.
so grab once more for my hand.
take me back to that eternal spring.
let the clocks be smashed and silent.
only let the furrows ring.
flood them with the tears of tomorrow
that my memories may grow
behind the amaranthine angel who guards them
row upon copper row.